


sometimes i wish i could freeze the picture

by CoffeeAndArrows



Series: when you figure out (love is all that matters after all) [6]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Post-Season/Series Finale, Post-season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25981483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: She never intended on becoming such an integral part of the group, but it had happened accidentally. She had blinked and suddenly the people surrounding her meant the world to her. She had travelled through the stars for them, followed them to alien planets and through time, and she would do it again in a heartbeat - she'd rather that than them splitting up, spreading out across the world to live separate lives.“You told me you weren’t much of a team player,” Coulson said softly, a smile playing on his lips.Daisy smiled fondly at the memory, a huff of breath that was almost a laugh escaping. “You told me this wasn’t much of a team.”or, the team are splitting up but daisy's not ready to lose her family
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Skye | Daisy Johnson & Agents of SHIELD Team
Series: when you figure out (love is all that matters after all) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885618
Comments: 14
Kudos: 126





	sometimes i wish i could freeze the picture

**Author's Note:**

> the finale left me as an emotional wreck so naturally i started rewatching from season 1, which left me with a lot of coulson & daisy feelings, which led to this.
> 
> title from 'slipping through my fingers' by ABBA

The lighthouse had started to feel like home. It had been less than two months since their return, but over the years Daisy had found herself settling into new places quicker and quicker, glad to have steady ground under her feet and the people she cared about around her. As long as the team were there, any place could be home.

Jemma had bought her a hula girl on a trip to the mall, tapping on her door after she returned with a bag in hand and a grin on her face, bright in the dark hallway. Daisy had laughed, just as Jemma had intended, but the hula girl had found its place on the shelf in the small, sparsely furnished bunk she had claimed in the lighthouse. Other possessions had joined it slowly - clothes, ones that fit her rather than ones she’d borrowed, outfits that came from a shop and vaguely attempted to follow the trends of the present time rather than simply being standard issue SHIELD items. A bottle of strong painkillers, unused since the first few weeks after their return. Drawings, done by Alya, of her and the team saving the world and standing under rainbows and looking up at birds flying through a crystal blue sky. 

(Alya was fixated on birds. And grass. And the sky. Although, Daisy supposed, it made sense - it must be odd to have lived for four years and only ever seen the stars.)

Her bunk had stopped feeling like somewhere she was temporarily staying around the one month mark, and she shouldn’t have let it. Because it  _ was _ temporary. And every time she let herself forget that, it came crashing back down on her. 

She’d been pushing it away. The idea that this would end. They had completed their last mission together, she knew that, they weren’t going to be a _team_ any longer. Fitz and Simmons weren’t going back into the field. They had signed up for adventures and had gotten far more than they bargained for, but they had tasted a calm, peaceful life and had decided it was for them. They had Alya to look out for now. The others… they hadn’t come up with plans yet, not exactly. She had heard May and Coulson vaguely discussing where to go from here, what they could piece back together. Mack had been looking into SHIELD’s remaining assets. Yoyo was helping. She herself had been helping too, occasionally. 

But until recently, all of these plans had been vague enough to ignore. She could pretend they would be enacted at some point far in the future, once she had found her feet and the idea of everyone going their separate ways and living their own lives didn’t make her lungs constrict and her heart pound and the all the blood in her body rush to her ears. She had let herself exist in a bubble, a fantasy world where the late night kitchen conversations and games on the couch and 5am tai chi sessions and warm cups of coffee pressed into her hands with a good morning smile would last forever. A world where the people she loved, the family she had made, wasn’t about to crumble. 

They were all moving too  _ fast _ , that was the problem. They had all found steady ground. They had  _ readjusted.  _

Fitz and Simmons had found a house in the suburbs, beautiful and spacious and private. Not as isolated as they had been in space, but closer to the life they wanted than the strange living situation they had found themselves in now.  _ It’s perfect _ , Jemma had gushed.  _ There’s a garden, space for Alya to play, space for us to breathe.  _ Their lease started in a few weeks. They were leaving.

Daisy ran her hand through her hair, sitting up in bed and pushing the sheets roughly aside, throwing a thin t-shirt on over the sports bra and sweatpants she’d been sleeping in. Sousa had told her to talk to someone on the team, because no matter how much he tried, this wasn’t something he could understand. He hadn’t been a part of their mission until the end - he couldn’t provide the reassurance she needed about the future when he hadn’t witnessed the past. Daisy’s toes curled up as her feet landed on the icy concrete lining the inside of the base, but she didn’t stop to pull socks on. She needed to move. She needed to be somewhere that wasn’t here, this suffocating, confusing room that was both hers and not hers, that felt permanent but had only ever been meant as a stepping stone until she worked out where she wanted to go from here.

Daisy’s stomach flipped, and she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

_ Stay _ , she had wanted to beg them all every time they’d opened their mouths to talk about plans over the past few weeks.  _ Stay right here. Stay in this moment we have right now. _

Daisy slipped down the hallway, unsurprised to see Coulson sat at the breakfast bar when she reached the kitchen doorway. She didn’t know what she had left her room looking for, but she didn’t want to be alone. Her throat tightened. That was it, really, when it came down to it. The reason for the sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought about the future for too long, the reason she avoided the topic as often as she could, the reason she would rather have another high stakes mission to run than accept that this was the end.

She didn’t want to be alone. 

Coulson didn’t comment on her presence in the kitchen at such an odd hour as she slipped into the seat next to him, instead giving her that familiar warm, caring smile that had encouraged her to join this team in the first place, all those years ago. 

“Hey,” she greeted quietly, peering over his shoulder at the files he was reading on a slightly battered tablet. Old SHIELD academy files. Daisy’s stomach flipped for a second time and she looked away.

Coulson frowned, taking in the expression she couldn’t wipe from her face. 

She didn’t want him to ask. If he asked, she would talk, and so far she’d been managing to keep the terror coursing through her veins at the thought of this all ending to herself.

Or maybe she  _ did _ want him to ask.

She wanted - 

“Everyone’s leaving,” she said accidentally, but if Coulson seemed surprised by the unprompted comment, he didn’t let it show.

“Not yet,” he said carefully. 

“No,” Daisy agreed. “But soon.”

Coulson looked back down to the files in front of him, closing two tabs and then powering the tablet down, placing it face down on the table. He remained quiet, and Daisy found herself filling the silence without meaning to. “It’s been almost two months. And I know we can’t all stay here forever. But I thought - I thought when the time came to split up, I’d be ready for it, you know? Like everyone else seems to be.”

Fitz and Simmons and Mack and Yoyo and May and Piper and Flint and Coulson, even Coulson, seemed to be  _ okay _ with this. His eyes were fixed on her, and he seemed to be weighing his words carefully. “Everyone here cares for each other. Would go to the ends of the earth for each other. But for you…”

He didn’t want to say  _ it’s different. _ He didn’t want to point out all the reasons she was struggling to let go, he didn’t want to say that she had no one else, even though that would be true. 

“You’ve always been the heart of this team,” he settled for instead. “Right from the start.”

Daisy opened her mouth to question that, but the words she planned never made it past her lips. Instead, she paused, letting Coulson’s statement settle. She never intended on becoming such an integral part of the group, but it had happened accidentally. She had blinked and suddenly the people surrounding her meant the world to her. She had travelled through the stars for them, followed them to alien planets and through time, and she would do it again in a heartbeat. Right now, she  _ wanted _ to do it again - she would take the bad, so long as it came with the good.

(That wasn’t an option.)

When she’d first set foot on the Bus she had had one goal - to find her family. She’d found them, even though that family hadn’t ended up being the people she'd spent her life searching for.

Daisy tapped her fingers against the table, some of the unease she had felt lying awake in bed settling. “If you had told me when we first met that I’d feel the way I do right now, I would have laughed in your face.” 

The idea had seemed ridiculous, then.  _ Join the team. Help the government agency you despise. Serve the greater good. _

“You told me you weren’t much of a team player,” Coulson said softly, a smile playing on his lips.

Daisy smiled fondly at the memory, a huff of breath that was almost a laugh escaping. “You told me this wasn’t much of a team.”

Coulson shook his head. “It became one,” he amended. “It might not have been then, but we’ve come a long way. It’s a team, our team, and everyone here will  _ always _ be a part of it. No matter how much distance there is between people, no matter what you or any one of us decide to do next. Everyone here is going to be a part of your life from now on, whether you like it or not.”

Daisy could feel a lump forming in her throat. She hadn’t said much. But apparently, Coulson could see right through to her blatant insecurities.

“And there’s always a place for you. You know that, don’t you? There’s space at the academy May’s helping set up, she’d love a hand. Mack would love to have you on board with rebuilding SHIELD, whether you want to go back into the field or not. Fitz and Simmons insisted on looking for a place with three beds - they’re assuming you’ll visit as often as you can.” His eyes crinkled slightly at the corners, a teasing twinkle in his eye. “I don’t know what Sousa’s planning,” he said, “I think he’s waiting for you to decide.”

Daisy rolled her eyes, ignoring the way that simple sentence had managed to calm her more than anything else yet, reassuring her that someone, at least, was sticking around. (She still needed to talk to him. But if she was being completely honest… she already knew Coulson’s words were true. Sousa had told her he wasn’t going anywhere, and he’d meant it more than anyone else ever had before. She believed him as much as she could right now - and besides, he had followed her to space in a plane she didn’t know how to fly after knowing her for a few weeks, it  _ was _ unlikely he would bail now.)

“What about you?” Daisy asked, voice smaller than she meant it to be. 

“I don’t know. I have no idea where I’ll go.” Coulson smiled reassuringly, settling some of the apprehension swirling in Daisy’s stomach. “But I’ll never be more than a phone call away. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Daisy nodded, fingers tapping against the table, resisting the urge to blurt out  _ are you sure? _

He meant it. No matter what. Every time she had run, he had been there, pulling her back to safety. Every time she had lost herself, he had believed in her. Every time she had reached out to him, he had been waiting, with a comforting smile and the words she needed to hear.

She could feel tears collecting in her eyes, and blinked them away. Change didn’t have to be bad. 

“Change doesn’t have to be bad,” Coulson echoed, and Daisy managed to nod. It sounded more convincing coming from him.

Coulson shifted slightly, and was quiet for a while, watching her. It wasn’t a heavy silence. There were none of the suffocating thoughts she’d left her room and wandered through the base to avoid. The idea of the team going their separate ways - although it still uneasy - was a little less terrifying than before. She wasn’t losing them. They would be further away, and she would no longer spend every hour of every day with the family she had spent years building up around her, but she would still see them. She would call them. She would visit. She might be lonely, but she wouldn’t be alone.

“You have no idea how proud I am of you.”

Daisy shook her head, eyes burning. The words were too sincere. “Stop it,” she said.

“No. Because you need to hear it.”

The tears fell before she could stop them, but Coulson didn’t seem surprised. He pushed his chair back, coming to stand in front of her and pulling her into a hug, his embrace warm and just as reassuring as it always had been. Daisy’s fingers curled into his jacket as one of his hands came to rest on the back of her head, guiding her closer. “It’ll be okay,” he promised softly, not a promise he had any right to make but one she believed, because it came from him. 

When Daisy’s grip eased, Coulson pulled back slightly, thumb wiping tear tracks from the corners of her eyes. “And just for the record,” he added, his audible pride in her making the lump in her throat grow, “I can’t wait to see what you decide to do next. Because I know you - whatever you do, it’s going to be incredible.”

Daisy’s first attempt at a smile only made it halfway to her lips, but she wiped her eyes and tried again. It was shaky, but there. She took a breath. “The files you were looking at when I came in,” she said, “That’s for whatever you and May are working on, isn’t it?”

Coulson nodded. “An Academy. Not like the old SHIELD academies, something new and improved. We’re not sure what to keep from before and what to scrap, and we haven’t gotten far with planning, there’s a lot to go through. But skimming over these seemed like a good place to start.”

She didn’t want to go back to bed. The future felt a little more hopeful now she was here with Coulson talking about building something good out of the destruction left in their wake. The time she had left here at the lighthouse with the team was limited, so she would make the most of it. “Need a hand?” she asked, hesitation dissipating immediately when Coulson’s smile returned. 

“I’d love one.”

Daisy’s smile grew less shaky as the twinkle in Coulson’s eye brightened. He squeezed her hand and then sat back down in the seat beside her, reaching for the discarded tablet and pulling up the files he’d been reading before, filling her in on the pieces of information she didn’t already know. It was good, working alongside him. It wouldn’t last, but for now, it was enough.

She must have lost track of time, because before long other people started to enter the kitchen - May first, always awake the earliest, giving her shoulder an uncharacteristic squeeze as she leaned over to read her and Coulson’s notes, clearly sensing the swirling emotions still lingering from a few hours before. Then Sousa, who placed a fresh mug of coffee down near her elbow with a gentle greeting and a calm smile, pulling up a chair next to her as she explained what they’d been working on. It was easier to breathe after her conversation with Coulson, and easier to let herself tentatively picture the future. Ideally, her future would have him in it. 

Sousa ran one hand through his hair, looking proud of her. She couldn’t focus on that now. Instead, she let her eyes drift - almost two months in, his fresh out of bed tousled hair still brought a smile to her face. It was distracting. Although admittedly not as distracting as Alya, who cut the explanation short when she ran into the room, immediately making her way over to Daisy and starting to tell her every detail she had memorised about the house she was moving to, delighted by the idea of grass and trees and fences and birds and picnics. 

“You have to come visit,” she demanded, “as often as you can.” 

Fitz reiterated the sentiment when he and Jemma joined them, and the warmth that filled Daisy’s chest spread when Coulson gave her a look behind their backs - one that said  _ see, they’re your team. They love you. We’ll all still be a part of your life, no matter what path you take. _

“Thank you,” she said quietly once everyone else was out of earshot, and Coulson just smiled. It wasn’t a thank you for the night before - it was for so much more. For finding her. For sticking by her, even when she thought she was better off alone. For bringing her into this family, for giving her everything she had spent her life looking for. For being proud of her. For loving her.

It was a thank you for it all.

**Author's Note:**

> hi. so... this is gonna be part of a loosely connected series of post-season 7 oneshots chim (moonlitprincess) and i are writing based on the million headcanons we've spent the last week yelling at each other about. that's pretty much all i have to say rn but basically, watch this space!


End file.
